Posts tagged ‘abuse’

July 4, 2012

One journey.

by Michelle B. Araneta

Sometimes getting back into the swing of things is much easier said than done.

The last time I met with my lawyer, she said something to me that I haven’t quite been able to shake till now.  She told me that as she read my pieces on here, she realized that I wasn’t quite out of the fog as she had thought I was.  Since that day, I have found myself trying to prove (to myself) that I am indeed out of the fog.  Silly as it sounds, I was living life by avoiding everything that would remotely remind me of what used to be.  That is until I realized that for those of us that have lived in the fog, there will always come a point in time that although we are out, we will have our moments with one foot in the light while the other slipped back into the darkness.

I tried to explain to her the reasons I felt were important to understand why it may appear this way to her, not seeing that I was actually making excuses.  It was a hard admission I had to face.  I was in denial, to be honest.  I couldn’t possibly believe that after all this time, how hard I’ve worked, and how intensely I have fought … that maybe, just maybe … I was back at where I started.

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May 15, 2012

Yes, it’s possible.

by Michelle B. Araneta

Just the other night I was asked,

“If you’re married, how can it be rape?”

No matter how many times I have been asked this question in the past,it still amazes me that so many people continue to ask it.

The true understanding of rape, even sexual assault, comes from recognizing and comprehending the difference between an act that is sexual in nature and, an act to gain and/or maintain power and control over a person. These are two very different acts that should not be misinterpreted to be one and the same.

Rape is an act of power and control. The sexual nature of rape is just the means used to gain and/or maintain power and control over a person.

When one understands this fact, one will understand that rape in a marriage is very possible.

April 20, 2012

Caught between Today and Yesterday.

by Michelle B. Araneta

Since the beginning of this month, I have been struggling to write much on anything that truly delves deep into the fog and the reason became clear to me yesterday.  In almost five years I have accumulated a numerous amount of court cases and in one of those court cases, I am finally going to take the stand and recount all the pain and trauma I went through once again.  Although the date of the hearing is still quite a ways away, I am faced with having to go through my old files and dig up the past in order for my lawyer and myself to be prepared.  The problem is, it’s not as simple as it sounds.

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April 15, 2012

Thank You.

by Michelle B. Araneta

*originally written March 25, 2012

Over the last four years, I’ve stayed clear from every one that has, in one time or another, been in my life. It was the time I gave to myself to heal and process everything I had and was going through. Only the very closest and dearest to me knew my story, knew the details of the hurt and pain I went through and stood by me as I built my self up again. It was a choice I made, and as I look back at that decision, I am thankful I had enough strength and support to make it.

~*~*~*~

Not too long ago, I spent the evening with a cousin I had disconnected from since I got married. Initially, I had called her for help on a few logos, but I knew, due to our time apart and the “situation” that had been rumored about through the grapevines, I would be eventually sharing with her my story. I was ready. The years I spent picking up the pieces of who I was prepared me for moments like this.

As my cousin and I sat at the restaurant, we chatted about our lives today, the good times we shared when we were younger, and about the logos I needed. I knew the conversation was building to the one big question. Curiosity was glowing in her eyes and her strength to hold back was diminishing. Finally she asked.

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April 10, 2012

The unexpected.

by Michelle B. Araneta

As we each step into the light and out of the fog, little by little, the feelings of being overwhelmed and helpless diminish and somewhat begin to disappear.  We get braver … stronger … taking bigger and bigger steps into the light.  We are focused, determined, and passionate about moving forward.  Grateful for the time that has past and the battles that have been won … but … in all that joy, we can sometimes forget the unexpected.

Just a week ago, I was lost in the heavy feelings of being overwhelmed and helpless.  I was simply frozen.  Unable to move forward and make sense of anything.  I tried desperately to understand what had happened, but it wasn’t until the weekend that the pieces began to fall into place.  Yes, many things were unraveling in my personal life and my own battles, but what I had not considered was, the feelings I would experience with opening this site.  It was the unexpected.

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April 4, 2012

Overwhelmed.

by Michelle B. Araneta

Sometimes we get swallowed up by life.  We get lost in all that we need to do, how we are feeling, the stress of what comes our way, what we want to say, and desperation to get it all done.  It is the feeling of being overwhelmed, and sometimes thrown into the mix for good measure is a dose of helplessness.  I have been there many, many times before and just recently, these past few days.  Usually it happens when we have so many things on our to-do list, deadlines to meet, pressure to accomplish it all, and need to get it done right, but what we don’t realize is that, this feeling is much more intensified when one has gone through abuse.

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April 1, 2012

Teens Start Talking …

by Michelle B. Araneta

Important words from our youth.

April 1, 2012

April 1st, 2012 …

by Michelle B. Araneta

For those of you who don’t know … the first of April ends Women’s Month and brings in the Month of two special issues in the United States:  National Child Abuse Awareness and Sexual Assault Awareness.  This two issues are intricately related to Domestic Violence, but at the same time, they can also be found in separate situations.  Both issues (and I only use the word ‘issues’ for lack of better words) are abuse.  There is no debate about that and it is a fact that we should all come to realize.

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March 30, 2012

Heritance of abuse …

by bbqueen46

Background: This is my response to the letter of my sister-in-law’s sister regarding the situation of my nephew’s recent rehabilitation confinement for drug and behavior abuse. Recently widowed, my sister-in-law is now faced with the solitude and void that her husband left while her 47 year son steps in front line and center bringing to light her acquired behavior of helplessness.

Thank you Nat for an in-depth analysis and appreciation of the situation.  Often, we on the outside, detached and distant have a totally different take on the matter.  Now it is clear and obvious what has to be done.

Yes, I agree that Ludy is suffering from BWS ‘battered woman syndrome’.   As much as I love my brother, Gary, I cannot be oblivious to the dynamics of their relationship as a couple.   BWS ‘battered woman syndrome’ is a very real problem and blankets all kinds of abuses, from physical, psychological, emotional, financial, and sexual among others.   A lot of us suffer from it, some mild while others are intense.   Sad to say, a lot of us women take it to our graves because the church blatantly re-enforces it and conditions the women to just take it and offer it as a sacrifice.

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March 30, 2012

The making of an abuser …

by bbqueen46

A lot has to be said for how an abuser was as a son, brother and boyfriend.  One can’t be so different the other, for love has to be the fundamental ingredient, if not by choice than by affinity … for one can not truly love without loving your own.

Abusers almost always never leave their prey.  And, if by a remote chance they do, they hold steadfast to their faulty claim with firm control through whatever means possible …

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