Author Archive

April 15, 2012

Tactics of an abuser

by bbqueen46

Allow me to share this piece which I feel will help a lot of us …

UNDERSTANDING THE BATTERER IN CUSTODY AND VISITATION DISPUTES

by R. Lundy Bancroft
http://www.lundybancroft.com/pages/articles_sub/CUSTODY.htm

I think we can all relate to the way our abusers will gather sycophant allies around them and resort to spreading lies, malicious projection, finger-pointing and false rumours by factless innuendo and cruel insinuation. This rallying of troops to his ‘camp‘, those enablers that work with them is the well-worn tactic of the personality disordered fearful of exposure. His lies and calumny an effective coverup of his own actions.

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March 30, 2012

Heritance of abuse …

by bbqueen46

Background: This is my response to the letter of my sister-in-law’s sister regarding the situation of my nephew’s recent rehabilitation confinement for drug and behavior abuse. Recently widowed, my sister-in-law is now faced with the solitude and void that her husband left while her 47 year son steps in front line and center bringing to light her acquired behavior of helplessness.

Thank you Nat for an in-depth analysis and appreciation of the situation.  Often, we on the outside, detached and distant have a totally different take on the matter.  Now it is clear and obvious what has to be done.

Yes, I agree that Ludy is suffering from BWS ‘battered woman syndrome’.   As much as I love my brother, Gary, I cannot be oblivious to the dynamics of their relationship as a couple.   BWS ‘battered woman syndrome’ is a very real problem and blankets all kinds of abuses, from physical, psychological, emotional, financial, and sexual among others.   A lot of us suffer from it, some mild while others are intense.   Sad to say, a lot of us women take it to our graves because the church blatantly re-enforces it and conditions the women to just take it and offer it as a sacrifice.

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March 30, 2012

The making of an abuser …

by bbqueen46

A lot has to be said for how an abuser was as a son, brother and boyfriend.  One can’t be so different the other, for love has to be the fundamental ingredient, if not by choice than by affinity … for one can not truly love without loving your own.

Abusers almost always never leave their prey.  And, if by a remote chance they do, they hold steadfast to their faulty claim with firm control through whatever means possible …

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March 20, 2012

Compromised …

by bbqueen46

Coming to term with the abuse of a love one and her abuser…

I have a daughter whom I love and worship.  As my only child, I went to great lengths of protecting and nurturing her.  When she was 19 years old, she was pursued by a man who claimed to love and care for her.  In a short span of one year they were married.  My nightmare began which continues till today …

Compromised:

The day my daughter come home to me and told me that she and her husband were splitting up came as no big surprise to me.  In fact, it was the relief I had prayed and hoped for.  Not that, I saw it coming nor did I wish it to be but rather because her husband sat me down two weeks before, to tell me that he was leaving her.   That, was a day that I will never forget.

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