One journey.

by Michelle B. Araneta

Sometimes getting back into the swing of things is much easier said than done.

The last time I met with my lawyer, she said something to me that I haven’t quite been able to shake till now.  She told me that as she read my pieces on here, she realized that I wasn’t quite out of the fog as she had thought I was.  Since that day, I have found myself trying to prove (to myself) that I am indeed out of the fog.  Silly as it sounds, I was living life by avoiding everything that would remotely remind me of what used to be.  That is until I realized that for those of us that have lived in the fog, there will always come a point in time that although we are out, we will have our moments with one foot in the light while the other slipped back into the darkness.

I tried to explain to her the reasons I felt were important to understand why it may appear this way to her, not seeing that I was actually making excuses.  It was a hard admission I had to face.  I was in denial, to be honest.  I couldn’t possibly believe that after all this time, how hard I’ve worked, and how intensely I have fought … that maybe, just maybe … I was back at where I started.

Perhaps, just like memories of our childhood, our first loves, our heartfelt laughs … living in the fog is a part of who we are.  We cannot deny or change the fact that we were once there and that there are moments when we are reminded and brought back to that time.  But that is all they are … moments.

It took me quite a while to recognize this conclusion.  To fully understand it once more.  It’s a reality that I have faced time and time again, but with each time, there are always new circumstances surrounding it.  Therefore, it’s not easily recognizable by its constantly changing masks.

Sometimes we forget or don’t fully understand that being in the fog affects every aspect of our lives, whether we recognize it or not, whether it may be minor or major.  Each and every part of us, regardless of the kind or type of abuse we have endured, has made an impact on our lives in every single way.  It may not be something we realize immediately, in fact, it may even take us years to recognize it … but … like I’ve said before … life is a journey.  Finding ourselves, believing in ourselves and loving ourselves is part of that journey.  Within each experience there is a lesson to learn, a chance to grow and in those moments we can make a choice.  Either we remain passengers in our own lives or take a chance by grabbing the steering wheel.

Strangely, I often wonder if it’s worth sharing these little experiences, thinking that perhaps people aren’t too interested in these little tidbits of my own self awareness and what not.  But then I  remind myself of something I once learned a long time ago … sometimes the reasons for sharing are not always for everyone, but are in fact just for that one specific person out there.  It just takes that one moment to change everything.

I found this on facebook from “Unconditional Love”.  I don’t know who wrote it, but I will share it on my facebook page for everyone.

ONE …
One tree can start a forest;
One smile can begin a friendship;
One hand can lift a soul;
One word can frame the goal;
One candle can wipe out darkness;
One hope can raise your spirits;
One touch can show you care;
One life can make the difference.
Be that one today.

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2 Comments to “One journey.”

  1. Your experiences help those of us recognize that we are not alone. And you are dead on. No matter how long it has been or how far you have come to get through it all, there are days that make you feel as if you’re starting from square one. But you’re not back where you started, if you were we wouldn’t be reading this.

    Emotional injury is no different than a physical one. There are days the injury flares up and bothers you and others when you don’t give it a second thought.

    In my person opinion, you are out of the fog. If you weren’t, there would be a continuous pattern of abuse. You broke that cycle therefore, you are out of the fog.

  2. You are wise. You are soulful. You have come far. Just because someone else says something doesn’t mean it’s true, no matter their title. Whenever I read what you write, I am strengthened and given hope. I believe there is something special and innate in you that has that impact on others.

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