Allow me to share this piece which I feel will help a lot of us …
UNDERSTANDING THE BATTERER IN CUSTODY AND VISITATION DISPUTES
by R. Lundy Bancroft
http://www.lundybancroft.com/pages/articles_sub/CUSTODY.htmI think we can all relate to the way our abusers will gather sycophant allies around them and resort to spreading lies, malicious projection, finger-pointing and false rumours by factless innuendo and cruel insinuation. This rallying of troops to his ‘camp‘, those enablers that work with them is the well-worn tactic of the personality disordered fearful of exposure. His lies and calumny an effective coverup of his own actions.
These abusers, fearful of exposure, become ruthless in recruiting our families, closest friends, employers, colleagues and competitors as he systematically attempts to build support for his coverup. His self-serving smear campaign begins. Words cannot describe the hurt that is inflicted. Hang on tight, it‘s going to be a very cruel and bumpy ride. Don‘t expect other people to understand. They don‘t know about this type of abuser – yet!
If all else fails, the narcissist recruits friends, colleagues, mates, family members, the authorities, institutions, neighbours – in short, third parties – to do his bidding. He uses these them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer, retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate his target. He controls these unaware instruments exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey. He employs the same mechanisms and devices. And he dumps his props unceremoniously when the job is done.