The unexpected.

by Michelle B. Araneta

As we each step into the light and out of the fog, little by little, the feelings of being overwhelmed and helpless diminish and somewhat begin to disappear.  We get braver … stronger … taking bigger and bigger steps into the light.  We are focused, determined, and passionate about moving forward.  Grateful for the time that has past and the battles that have been won … but … in all that joy, we can sometimes forget the unexpected.

Just a week ago, I was lost in the heavy feelings of being overwhelmed and helpless.  I was simply frozen.  Unable to move forward and make sense of anything.  I tried desperately to understand what had happened, but it wasn’t until the weekend that the pieces began to fall into place.  Yes, many things were unraveling in my personal life and my own battles, but what I had not considered was, the feelings I would experience with opening this site.  It was the unexpected.

Over the years, I have learned how to recognize my triggers and work through my emotions a step at a time.  It is a process we each have to go through, and the more we understand it, the more we are able to move forward … but, that process is something we do to face our own day to day life.  When we step out of our ‘norm’, we are not as prepared.  We are faced with new triggers and new experiences.  We find ourselves having to re-recognize, re-learn and re-understand in order to continue to move forward.

The stories that we each share with one another are never just words placed together on a blank screen.  They are the silent whispers of our heart, longing for validation and understanding of their pain.  We hope beyond hope that someone, somewhere will read our words and even if just for a moment, a single moment … they will listen … understand … and if only, they will tell us that our feelings are real.

I’ve read so many stories, felt so much heartache, and shared any piece of hope I had in me with so many that, it took me days to understand that I was carrying the struggles of others in my heart.  I was living in their pain, desperately wanting to help them break through the fog and spare them the torment they needed to be free from.  I was triggered back into being overwhelmed and I found myself completely helpless.  The chains of the fog were pulling me in and triggering back a million emotions all at once.

But …

Easter arrived and it gifted me stillness to hear the agony of my heart.  It gave me the time I needed to re-collect myself and understand that … my hope, my strength, my courage, and my heart are enough to fight this battle, even if just for one.  In that moment of understanding, I looked up at the sky and saw something unexpected.

The clouds were smiling down at me and all of a sudden all the weight holding me down was gone.

Sometimes, we get so lost in the big picture that we lose sight of the power in the small details.  We don’t realize that the strength and faith of one is sometimes all that is needed to win a battle against a hundred.  Today, pay attention to the unexpected, understand that there are lessons to be learned and wisdom to be gained.  We are each gifted with precious moments to do something great with and sometimes, that greatness is found in simply being there.


4 Comments to “The unexpected.”

  1. Michelle, I have missed you much. Thank you for the connection and these morning tears. Your writing always works to open my heart and soul. It is amazing to me how you are able to be so in touch with yourself on such an intimate level. I find myself re-collecting myself also and working to get re-grounded and feel more solid. I want you to know that through the lessons and examples of your writings, I am encouraged and taught to be more authentic in mine. Thank you.

    • Thank you so much, Julie. I am so sorry I disappeared for so long, it really did break my heart to do so. I didn’t want anyone to think that I had just left, but sometimes we need moments to be still and understand before we can move forward and be a positive force.

      I am so very touched and humbled by your words. It took many years for me to get to where I am today, and one of the biggest lessons I needed to face was … finding out who I was. It was something I truly believed I owed myself and I am so thankful I took and still take the time to soul search. It is something we all should do.

      You often leave me speechless with your comments and the only words I can seem to grasp are, “Thank you!” and “I am so blessed with your words!”

  2. Michelle, Thank you for being honest and open. This helps us all realize we are human and it is normal to feel the pain, experience set-backs and at times mourn for ourself and others. You are an Amazing Encourager and your blog helps so many of us that are on our healing journey. I am Thankful to be part of this wordpress community. The love and support is tremendous. Hugs to you!

    • Denise, Thank you so much. No matter how much I have learned and moved forward in my journey, I sometimes forget that I am not immune to the heartaches, pain and triggers, but everytime I look back to understand each of them I am thankful to have experienced them because I always learn something new.

      The wordpress community is filled with love and support. I too am so very blessed and thankful to be a part of it.

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