Heritance of abuse …

by bbqueen46

Background: This is my response to the letter of my sister-in-law’s sister regarding the situation of my nephew’s recent rehabilitation confinement for drug and behavior abuse. Recently widowed, my sister-in-law is now faced with the solitude and void that her husband left while her 47 year son steps in front line and center bringing to light her acquired behavior of helplessness.

Thank you Nat for an in-depth analysis and appreciation of the situation.  Often, we on the outside, detached and distant have a totally different take on the matter.  Now it is clear and obvious what has to be done.

Yes, I agree that Ludy is suffering from BWS ‘battered woman syndrome’.   As much as I love my brother, Gary, I cannot be oblivious to the dynamics of their relationship as a couple.   BWS ‘battered woman syndrome’ is a very real problem and blankets all kinds of abuses, from physical, psychological, emotional, financial, and sexual among others.   A lot of us suffer from it, some mild while others are intense.   Sad to say, a lot of us women take it to our graves because the church blatantly re-enforces it and conditions the women to just take it and offer it as a sacrifice.

We strive to ignore it for domestic peace for such is the culture we grew up in, only for it to foster and handicap us while it breeds deep-rooted deficiencies.   Then, when it trickles beyond and on to our relationships with our own children we are once again rendered helpless.   We try to cope and somehow we formulate yet another coping mechanism on top of the other that in the process we lull ourselves into a total acceptance and denial of it … until total chaos.

Here’s my take on this … Ludy has to have some kind of therapy as well, if she is to find her true self.   She has to be empowered to deal with her new life of being alone without Gary but more importantly, she has to be made to recognize and consequently reject the abuse that she had and is suffering from up to the present.   The cycle has to be broken lest it continues on to … with John replacing Gary and so on.

When she has broken through the fog of BWS, then and only then can she constructively deal and address the issues of John and take hold of her life as a whole person.   John on the other hand can benefit from a few more months of rehab and therapy for I feel that he has barely tapped into the many layers of his condition.


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