Compromised …

by bbqueen46

Coming to term with the abuse of a love one and her abuser…

I have a daughter whom I love and worship.  As my only child, I went to great lengths of protecting and nurturing her.  When she was 19 years old, she was pursued by a man who claimed to love and care for her.  In a short span of one year they were married.  My nightmare began which continues till today …


The day my daughter come home to me and told me that she and her husband were splitting up came as no big surprise to me.  In fact, it was the relief I had prayed and hoped for.  Not that, I saw it coming nor did I wish it to be but rather because her husband sat me down two weeks before, to tell me that he was leaving her.   That, was a day that I will never forget.

Around two weeks prior, my daughter’s husband urgently asked to speak to me.  Pulled out of a very busy day and alerted that something urgent was up.  I rushed to have lunch with my daughter’s husband.  As we sat through lunch, he proceeded to tell me without much adieu, how unhappy he’s been and that he has tried everything to resolve their problems and now, he has decided to move on.   And of course, there was this woman that he has known for 12 years and she makes him feel a new.

Tossing my food around the plate was all I could do to refrain from throwing my dish at him.  I sat there for what seemed like ages, asking myself, why the heck was he telling me all this … and just what the heck did he expect me to do with his revelation.  Then, when I could take no more, I stood up and still managed to pay for the bill … as I have always done with him … and walked away … fuming … and heart raising.

When I got to my office, which wasn’t too far, I sat in my desk dumbfounded.  I asked myself what the heck just happened.  As I went though the events that just transpired, I realized that the information I just heard was disturbing … but not so much so that I should be so worked up because a part of me was quite glad … so why was I so worked up … so much so that I was literally beside myself.  Then, it became apparent to me that I had just been compromised.

From that day onwards I debated with my husband, sister, my brother in law and myself as to what to do.  Shall I pre-empt the event and tell my daughter or shall I just wait it out and let it unfold without my intervention.  The questions that perturbed were, do I tell my daughter … and if I do, then what if he has a change of heart … then I’ll be the bad one and I could alienate my daughter and her two precious daughters, ages 4 and 2 years old.  Then, if I don’t tell my daughter, she could be devastated and I was afraid for what she would do.

And if that was not even enough, my daughter would come over to my house together with her daughters for a swim and he would come by to pick them up and stay to even socialize as if nothing was amidst.

Never have I felt so compromised in my entire life and have had an issue that weighed so heavily on my heart.  It was worse than if it were my husband that had said he was leaving me.  Perhaps, because this was not my life and so I could not act accordingly.  I felt so helpless that I hardly slept a full night sleep and barely ate.


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