Archive for March, 2012

March 30, 2012

Heritance of abuse …

by bbqueen46

Background: This is my response to the letter of my sister-in-law’s sister regarding the situation of my nephew’s recent rehabilitation confinement for drug and behavior abuse. Recently widowed, my sister-in-law is now faced with the solitude and void that her husband left while her 47 year son steps in front line and center bringing to light her acquired behavior of helplessness.

Thank you Nat for an in-depth analysis and appreciation of the situation.  Often, we on the outside, detached and distant have a totally different take on the matter.  Now it is clear and obvious what has to be done.

Yes, I agree that Ludy is suffering from BWS ‘battered woman syndrome’.   As much as I love my brother, Gary, I cannot be oblivious to the dynamics of their relationship as a couple.   BWS ‘battered woman syndrome’ is a very real problem and blankets all kinds of abuses, from physical, psychological, emotional, financial, and sexual among others.   A lot of us suffer from it, some mild while others are intense.   Sad to say, a lot of us women take it to our graves because the church blatantly re-enforces it and conditions the women to just take it and offer it as a sacrifice.

read more »

March 30, 2012

The making of an abuser …

by bbqueen46

A lot has to be said for how an abuser was as a son, brother and boyfriend.  One can’t be so different the other, for love has to be the fundamental ingredient, if not by choice than by affinity … for one can not truly love without loving your own.

Abusers almost always never leave their prey.  And, if by a remote chance they do, they hold steadfast to their faulty claim with firm control through whatever means possible …

read more »

March 29, 2012

Do you speak “Abuse”?

by Michelle B. Araneta

Click here: “PLEASE BE ADVISED!” before reading.

“Secrets …

… We learn to hide each one of them from the eyes of the world, burying them deep within us, hoping that they will arrive in the land of the forgotten. Unknowingly when we do that, we inevitably keep ourselves chained to the depths of the fog he has created. We struggle against the chains, trying desperately to free ourselves, but the more we lock up our secrets and bury them inside us, the tighter their grip on us becomes. So we learn to cope, learn to believe what he says, and learn to understand that he is right … but still we silently pray, we silently hope, we silently plead with life to give us that one moment of safety to unchain us from our secret.” (excerpt from “Secrets.”)

~*~*~*~

As luck would have it, there comes a day when we find that safe moment. We gather all our strength and courage to share our little secret … but, unfortunately, most of the time we are not faced with that loving parent mentioned in “Secrets.” We find we are not sharing our story with the person we thought would listen to every word and scoop us up immediately to hold us close. We are sharing our story with someone different, someone who doesn’t understand, someone who doesn’t believe us. Someone that begins to sound like him.

read more »

March 28, 2012

Death by a loved one … poetry form.

by Lana Bardot

Click here: “PLEASE BE ADVISED!” before reading.

This is truly not an easy read, and if you have not yet read “PLEASE BE ADVISED!”, I suggest you do so now.  I wrote the original version of this piece ironically on Valentines Day 2009 and edited it to this poetry version on February 24, 2009 for a contest on WdC.  The reviews I recieved told me how difficult it was to read through this piece, so I implore you now to be cautious of what you are about to read.

I remember when I first wrote this piece, the disassociation was significant.  The words came quick, flowed without hesitation, and it wasn’t until I was finished writing that I realized what I had written.  It took me by surprise when I read each word, and my heart grew heavy as the memory of these nights began to rush in, yet at the same time, I felt freedom.  It was the first time I truly spoke about this, without holding back, without keeping little details buried inside me, without hiding the little truths I thought didn’t need to be said.  I unchained myself, because I allowed my soul to speak up.

Today I share with you one of the “Secrets” I used to keep hidden for almost 10 years.

read more »

March 27, 2012

Secrets.

by Michelle B. Araneta

Click here: “PLEASE BE ADVISED!” before reading.

Secrets. We all know and understand what emotions and struggles come with carrying secrets, but do we all know, understand and comprehend what emotions and struggles come with carrying dark secrets. I don’t think so.

A five year old child knows the guilt and fear of lying to their parents when they say, “I didn’t break it, Mommy. Thomas (their three year old brother) did!”

Children automatically fear the anger, the scolding, the punishment. The disapproving and disappointing looks they’ll get from the people they love most. They tremble from the idea that their wrongdoing might lead to their mother or father no longer loving them, but eventually, guilt kicks in. The weight of the lie, the secret, weighs heavily on them. It becomes too much for them to carry. Some children can’t sleep, some can’t eat, some won’t even talk. The affect of the secret is so strong at times, they yearn for the freedom from the chains and then, when a safe moment arrives, the child comes clean and shares their secret.

read more »

March 26, 2012

I didn’t know my own strength …

by Michelle B. Araneta

Just last Friday I was reminded of these words I wrote and originally posted on Facebook.  One of my daughter’s teachers came up to me and asked if I wrote the words she read a month or so ago.  It took some time digging up the post, reading it and having her say, “That’s the one!” before I told her, “Yes, those are my words.”

Many times we often forget the strength we have and we need to be reminded, especially when we least expect it.  Below I would like to share with you the post I wrote not too long ago.

read more »

March 23, 2012

Write. Share. Own.

by Lana Bardot

I spent the day thinking about what to write, what to say … but the words never came.  I was left speechless, yet my whole body filled with so much emotion.  I decided to log-in to a site that used to be my home.  One that I spent countless hours at … spilling my heart and soul into every word, cleansing myself of the hurt, pain and tears, learning and loving myself, one piece at a time … and I remembered just how important it all was.  The freedom to lay myself bare and expose every haunting memory of what once was in a place that was safe, accepting and patient, is a blessing I will always cherish.  It is something we all deserve, something we all need.

read more »

March 21, 2012

What is Faith?

by Michelle B. Araneta

(photographed by Michelle B. Araneta. Any use of this photo and quote without permission is prohibited.)

“Faith is … knowing and believing that beyond the darkness of the sky, a ray of light and love will always be there if you open your heart.”

~ Michelle B. Araneta

March 20, 2012

Compromised …

by bbqueen46

Coming to term with the abuse of a love one and her abuser…

I have a daughter whom I love and worship.  As my only child, I went to great lengths of protecting and nurturing her.  When she was 19 years old, she was pursued by a man who claimed to love and care for her.  In a short span of one year they were married.  My nightmare began which continues till today …

Compromised:

The day my daughter come home to me and told me that she and her husband were splitting up came as no big surprise to me.  In fact, it was the relief I had prayed and hoped for.  Not that, I saw it coming nor did I wish it to be but rather because her husband sat me down two weeks before, to tell me that he was leaving her.   That, was a day that I will never forget.

read more »

March 20, 2012

A Pain No Greater … part one

by Lana Bardot

*originally written March 14, 2011

It’s been a long, struggling weekend. I just signed off with a loved one after failing miserably to explain why the emotions I’ve had inside me have been storming with an intensity that even left me somewhat bewildered. Frustrated and emotionally drained, I smoked my last cigarette of the night and headed to bed. Searching for the comfort and safety of sleep, my mind began to run a million miles a minute and the tears just began to flow uncontrollably. The more I tried to shut my thoughts out, the more I tried to stop crying … the more intense they came. I laid in bed confused and hurting, wanting nothing more then to have someone recognize my pain and simply just hold me. But there was no one there. No arms to wrap around me, no lips to kiss my forehead, nobody to just hold me tight all night long and whisper that everything was going to be okay as I drifted to sleep in their arms.

read more »